Sit around all day before work feeling lonely. Work a ten hour shift, get home at 5:30 AM. Crawl into bed feeling lonely.
My feet are throbbing, I need sleep. I haven’t been able to really sleep in the last 42 hours and when I have got some sort of sleep today/yesterday, I had nightmares every time. I’ve never had nightmares that much. I use to have them like once a year up until this point…at least that I could remember.
I feel like a nuisance everywhere I go or with whoever I’m with at any given moment. I feel unwanted more than ever and it’s making my emotions go crazy. I feel like I’m a teenager again when my parents kept putting me into therapy, even tho there was nothing wrong with me. I was acting the way any kid my age would when my step-dad was beating me, and my mom wouldn’t do anything. They were always fighting. My real Dad was never around and when he was he was/is a complete asshole. Of course when I’m 18, have my own choice of what to do. I realize there was nothing wrong with me the whole time and I was reacting normal to the situations I was put into.
It just amazes me how I do so much for all of my friends and family. Always help them when they ask. I’m always there for them no matter what they are going through, no matter how long it takes, I stick through it all. I look at it with understanding and love for all of them.
But I can’t find anyone who will do the same for me. At the rare moments that I’m not okay and that I’m feeling like this.
I just wanted one person.